Alligator II: The Mutation

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🎙️ EPISODE 385: 11.11.21 Happy Veterans Day! Let's celebrate with another post on this website of mine, OK? Man, I just, like literally JUST got done, writing the last review and now I have to write this one and do you know what it's like turning off that (smart) part of your brain, and turning on this (stupid) part of your brain? It ain't right, that's what it is. But this is my bed (movie review website) and I have to make it (write movie reviews). So let's get into Alligator II: The Mutation, maybe the dumbest thing I've seen in the last year if not longer (and I watch a lot of dumb stuff on purpose). 1990's Alligator II is — in the most simplest definition — a direct sequel to 1980's Alligator, insomuch as that film ended with a random baby gator seen wandering the sewers.

We can only assume, as any average moviegoer would, that this is the very same reptile and this is the very same place (Chicago??), even if every other character is different and no events from the original movie are even tangentially referenced. It's OK. That's fine.

Look, by far this movie's biggest issues — and jesus christ there are SO many issues — is that its monster (the alligator) and all of the action (kills) involving it are as lame, bland, bad, boring, [insert a million other adjectives here] as could be. Take this first kill for example. Watch this, listen to this, bask in this...


How do you feel? Well, I bet you feel nothing, or less than nothing. Like with the original film (and actually more so here), there are moments where a real live alligator was used in shots. The difference is that in that Alligator 1, they used miniatures to great effect to make this, you know, 40-FOOT ALLIGATOR seem like it might actually be that size. Here's a compare and contrast of the two movies (see which one you think looks cooler)...


And while this flick gets a big fat ZERO, an F-Minus, in the monster alligator department, it is otherwise so delightfully bad, that it isn't a complete bust (just don't think too closely — or at all — about the plot making sense). There were several incredibly stupid and mostly random things that I found amusing. Like this birthday cake with wolf dressed like a cop on top of it ¹....


...or the fact that when every method they try to kill this alligator fails, our lead actor Joey Bologna just finds a couple of rocket launchers in a helicopter? ...


Look, I can't really — IN GOOD FAITH — recommend this one, but it's not without its pure 1990 B- Z-Movie charm. Ultimately this is a film about a man who tries to quit smoking and start having sex with his wife on his birthday and who can't relate to that?

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FOOTNOTES:

1. This is another extremely funny bit of unintentional comedy: he is referred to as "Solo Lobo" (even by his wife?) which, OK "Lone Wolf" I get it (there is a large Mexican community subplot, don't worry about it), but he never works alone in this and he's even standing next to his partner as a crowd chants this nickname at the end of the movie. [BACK]

CHRONOLOGICALLY
⫷ EPISODE 384 - (YOU ARE HERE) - EPISODE 386 ⫸

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