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🎙️ EPISODE 374: 10.27.21
So I willfully watched this late 90s made for the Disney channel family-fantasy movie like an absolute psychopath by myself one day because when I googled "halloween movies" this was on like 100 clickbait blogs and also Reddit which — moral of the story, clearly — is that Reddit is just as deranged a place as I always suspected, inhabited by the worst kind of middle-period millennial. And look, as an old-period millennial (born in '81), I know I'm not part of the best sub-generation either, but when I saw that noted and long-time Twin Peaks editor Duwayne Dunham directed this thing, I decided to throw caution to the wind and dive in. And guess what? Sources say that, it's a movie.
Halloweentown is about a single mother who used to be married to Bill Clinton (who died somehow, it's never explained and probably not important)... |
...and she hates Halloween to the point where she will not let any of her kids celebrate it in any way, shape or form. What's her deal? Probably nothing. Oh, wait, no... her mom is a magical witch who lives in "Halloweentown" and only visits every year for a few hours on Halloween night (via magical flying bus) to try to guilt her daughter (who is also a secret witch) into letting her train her granddaughter in witchcraft before it's too late (she will lose her powers if she doesn't start training by age 14 — sure, that checks out). So, like most parent-child relationships, she wants nothing to do with Grandma Witch (played by Debbie Reynolds) and, in this case, her rebellion involves being a boring widow who hates fun and
especially Halloween-related fun. Naturally, the granddaughter and her two siblings sneak onto the magic flying bus and stowaway to Halloweentown to learn the truth about their lineage and have a nice little adventure where they save all of humanity (and Halloweenmanity?) along the way.
If you think that's a lot to process, don't worry: there are copious D-level monster characters that look like the inside of a Spirit Halloween to distract you.
There are a lot of times in the course of reviewing nearly 500 films and recording over 350 podcasts where I've asked myself, SELF, why did you watch this? SELF, you knew from beat 1 what this was and where it was heading, and yet you still stuck it out, and watched the whole damn thing? SELF, do you have anything interesting to say about it? (No, not really) SELF, do you even care to extract some media from this beyond to at least show the readers here what this film actually looks like? (No, that feels like too much work) SELF, do you really think her dead husband looks like Bill Clinton?!
Yes! Don't you...
There are four fucking
Halloweentown films and even I don't think I'm psycho enough to watch them all but maybe time will tell...
Also, Stanley from
The Office might be an extra in this playing a British Queens Guard soldier looking guy who's job is it to help old ladies off the flying bus?
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