I grappled with whether to do the review in this style or not, but ultimately I decided that there's stuff here that needs to be seen to be believed. And what is my job in the long run if not to save you, precious reader, the time of actually watching this pile of crap in its entirety? So here are the high (read: low) lights. Again, too much of this thing is a slog, but there are moments and, more accurately, CHOICES which made me grin like a fool at the sheer absurdity, audacity, and overall lack of awareness.
The movie begins with a quote from some quack doctor who wrote a book called Love and Sex with Robots (2008) (also: LOL). Something like "by the year 2050, humans won't just be having sex with robots, they'll be falling in love with them." There are countless sources for inspiration available to the creative thinker, many just a click away. And then there is this. (The funniest thing is that this quote is attributed to the author like the audience is supposed to know who the hell he is.)
The plot here is incredibly simple: a dude's brother-in-law is in a relationship with a sexbot (they call them "e-mates" LOL again); said dude is a family man in a marriage that has become strained; our dude visits Dean Cain who sets him up with his own sexbot of his design. And you can probably fill in most of the rest. A tale as old as time, some might say. The only part of 2050 (aside from the big advancements in sexbot technology) that looks different than the late 2010s (when with this was filmed) is that future is FULL of delivery drones. Everything else is pretty much exactly the same...
Nearly forty minutes pass, setting up the central characters and this fairly straightforward premise, before we finally meet Dean Cain at the sexbot parlor and this absolutely glorious screen-saver...
ON A LOOP FOREVER...
I'll be honest: the CGI drone-laced skies aren't THAT bad! Which makes the graphics on the computers during this segment feel all that much worse. More on this later.
The setup and general sentiment here is also fine (I mean, I've definitely come across more boring plot lines), but the conversations ramble on and these performances can't do anything with them. Every once in awhile we're reminded that this is not just an incredibly boring movie, it's also a completely inept one. Like, if you were wondering what TV shows looked like in the year 2050...
That scene with the oblivious wife is also what sends wife guy back to the sexbot parlor to go through with designing his sexbot, I mean E-MATE! Sorry! LOL*∞ at "VAGINA SIZE"...
Perfection. They nailed it. There's also a fascinating and quirky soundtrack that alternates between midi-classical sounding nonsense to whatever the hell this is (hint: it is perfect)...
Then another subplot emerges. Brother-in-law begins to get disillusioned with his lifestyle and tasks our dude with aide in getting healthier. So naturally we're introduced to a rogue dietician character who explains to him what carrots are...
Next comes a montage showing the brother-in-law getting healthy (aka being more human) while the hubby descends deeper into e-mates (non-human) territory. I get it, the whole role reversal thing. But goddammit, it isn't good! Check out this voiceover conversation...
Meanwhile the brother-in-law gets really mad at his e-mate because she's letting him win at chess. This conversation is a HEADACHE...
Maybe, if we can take away anything from this, it's that they still use the term "necking" to describe making out in the year 2050...
Our dude is able to convince his wife that he isn't having an affair, but almost getting caught prompts him to storm back to the e-mate parlor to confront Dean Cain because he's mad that he fell in love with one of his sexbots. After walking through the hallways of an actual sexdoll factory in China for two full minutes of screen time, they arrive at a small, drab office for the unleashing of "the big intellectual ideas of the film." But first, SCREENSAVER ALERT...
To think that the audience wouldn't be too busy cackling at that screensaver graphic to glean anything Dean Cain is saying... This is the beauty of 2050 (if there is any): that is so painfully unaware of its own inadequacy. This, my friends, is where the movie starts to become So Bad that it is Good. Let's let Dean Cain continue...
One more look at the screensaver before Dean Cain randomly starts eating an apple...
We then get another completely random scene set to classical music of nutritionist lady going on some halfwitted conspiracy theory rant where she namedrops Kissinger (!) ...
Then, out of NOWHERE, we learn that the wife has been having an affair with her brother's friend this whole time? We've gone completely off the rails with 15 minutes left but at least we get one last cool look at the drone-clad sky...
Just a wild twist made all the better by the stilted acting and poor sound editing. This prompts the brother-in-law to sell his sexbot GF to said friend because he has fully transitioned back into "normal life" mode. Things are really charging to the finish line here and by charging I mean limping (in the most spectacular way), honestly.
We then get a montage with a news interview program playing in the background dissecting the dissolution of society because of the sexbots. This is all set to close-ups on the faces of the characters and then just random people. It's really funny how high-minded this wants to be.
Our dude splits up with his wife. He's out with the sexbot and says he hadn't seen his kids in three days lol. They go to a bar where he proceeds to get hammered. The final scene of the movie takes place in his garage, where he brings the e-mate to meet his wife but I don't think the actress playing the bot is actually there?? ...
Eventually we do see her sitting speechless in the backseat of the car but I think it was green-screened in later. The film ends with her agreeing to get a dude sexbot to keep the relationship going, which — not gonna lie — I did not see coming...
Cut to credits and all the characters names are in quotes for some reason. This movie just can't do anything normally. While this did end up having some "So Bad it's Good" notes, there's just not enough here. It's mostly a joyless, badly made slog. It didn't deserve the thought and time I put into this review, that's for damn sure! FML. At least I found a good quote for whenever I make MY movie...
"IF WE WERE MEANT TO BE ENOUGH FOR EACH OTHER GOD WOULD HAVE NEVER BEEN INVENTED" —Michael Greene
CHRONOLOGICALLY
⫷ EPISODE 644C - (YOU ARE HERE) - EPISODE 646 ⫸
⫷ EPISODE 644C - (YOU ARE HERE) - EPISODE 646 ⫸
2050 is a 2018 American independent science fiction drama film directed by Princeton Holt and starring Dean Cain, Stormi Maya, and Stefanie Bloom. It premiered at the Williamsburg Independent Film Festival. It was released on November 16, 2018.
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