 | MOVIE #1,422 • 🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿 • 03.07.24 This is a horrible movie. I wouldn’t say it’s anywhere close to So Bad It’s Good (SBIG) territory but it is phenomenally bad in a kind of interesting way. For starters this is the IMDb logline: “After surviving a shark attack in the Antilles, a screenwriter arrives on the beaches of Miami where he is met by a mermaid, who engages him in a dangerous plot.” There are no mermaids in this movie (he’s saved by a hot lifeguard). This was released under the title Joker’s Wild as well, so maybe there are different versions? I luckily found a copy floating on YouTube (“luckily” lol). I’m not sure how I want to tackle this review as the film is as nonsensical as anything I’ve seen in a very long time. We’ll get to Hong’s minimal role (as that’s why we’re here) soon, but first I’d like to highlight the work of journeyman Frank Gorshin who plays the villain… |
The movie, frankly, needed more Gorshin! He’s only on-screen a handful of times and he pops. Perhaps this is simply by comparison (no disrespect to our heroes Marty Rackham or Michael Unger). Dick Van Patten, however, is giving an all-time ‘phoning in it’ performance. Well, except for this perfect sequence...
Fun Facts: Rackham and Unger’s filmographies are slight but the latter appeared in four episodes of Seinfeld in two different roles, once as an LAPD cop and three times as Elaine’s boyfriend, Jake Jarmel. And Unger, who's also the movie's narrator, only has two other acting credits: a reporter in 1996's Albino Alligator (directed by Kevin Spacey!!) and a guard in 1990's Caged Fury, which was actually directed by the same guy as this film, Bill Milling, AND features the one and only James Hong (so we'll be watching this soon — hooray?). This series is nothing if not a world of synergy. So now let’s talk about the writer and director, Bill Milling.
Milling had a much more prolific career directing pornos (a sampling) under the aliases Bill Eagle, Dexter Eagle, Jim Hunter, G.W. Hunter, and Philip T. Drexler Jr. from ~1975-1985. Body Trouble is actually his last directorial credit listed and there’s not much information beyond that. I did find this Bill Milling who’s also involved in the film industry, and his bio includes this nugget which seems like a boldfaced lie? …
HOWEVER, I was able to find a link on IMDb (this is one of the “Unicorn Tale” writer credits he mentions above) which seemingly establishes that these guys are one and the same. I get not mentioning the pornos on the bio page for your film equipment and studio rental company, but why would the sole author of Body Trouble and other late 80s/early 90s gems (like Wolfpack and Lauderdale! Yeah, I'm thinking a Bill Milling Director Focus is in my future) not mention this? I struggle to understand how that stuff is any less of an unaccomplishment than being a production manager on Paul W.S. Anderson’s Resident Evil: Retribution.
Well, holy shit that was a digression for the ages.
I was going to attempt to reconstruct the plot here because I thought that might be funny, but I honestly don’t think it’s possible (or at least, I don’t have the mental fortitude at the moment). Like I says, this film is BAD and never in that classic SBIG way we all know and love. I feel like I'm belaboring this point over and over again, and I have really enjoyed some atypical SBIG-style movies on this website over the years. What it comes down to — and I realize this is a cheap way of putting it — is a gut feeling: would I watch this movie again (for any reason)? If the answer to that is “No” then it can’t possibly be classified as SBIG. That being said, as I mentioned above, Body Trouble is unique for the simple fact that it’s a comedy that features humor which simply does not work on any level (intentionally, unintentionally, etc.) and oftentimes the joke is almost impossible to discern. A couple of examples…
It's actually rare for comedy to fail in this way, when you can't even perceive the concept or origin of the goof. And the screenplay feels like it was written in segments by a blackout drunk who conjured scenes with the weakest, blurriest recollection of what transpired directly before. This is when you end up with what felt like 25 characters and a double Scooby Doo ending. I can't even begin to describe it. Literally. It's too confusing. I suppose the convoluted nature is on purpose, to a degree. They're commenting on the ridiculous nature of some crime films? I'm trying here. (That’s at least the beginning of a joke I can recognize, even if it’s quite possibly inadvertent.)
In closing, let’s get to Hong, who plays one of about six guys vying for the money and attention of Vera, played by Priscilla Barnes. We’re first introduced to him doing some VHS camera peeping tom bullshit…
Then he gets called "pupu platter" by her (hilarious)...
Later, he gets to do a little dance (it’s always fun to see James dance) before he’s murdered by a ‘bra gun’...
I’m giving this a 5/10, which is WAY too high, simply for the reason that it has partially broken my brain. I cannot, in good faith, wholly ignore a cinematic work with such power.
CHRONOLOGICALLY
⫷ MOVIE #1,421 - (YOU ARE HERE) - MOVIE #1,423 ⫸
⫷ MOVIE #1,421 - (YOU ARE HERE) - MOVIE #1,423 ⫸
After surviving a shark attack in the Antilles, a screenwriter arrives on the beaches of Miami where he is met by a mermaid, who engages him in a dangerous plot. It was released on October 21, 1992.
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