 🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿 | 🎙️ EPISODE 346: 04.15.2021 Starting in 2020, I decided to watch & review the entire Nicolas Cage filmography in alphabetical order. This is 𝔗𝔥𝔢 𝔜𝔢𝔞𝔯 𝔬𝔣 ℭ𝔞𝔤𝔢 – Chapter 8. I thought this project was breaking my brain when it came to discerning between good and bad movies. More to the point, what exactly makes a bad movie "so bad, it's good" and not just "bad." Having just completed my 8th film for this series, the seemingly ignominious Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans, I found I'd reached a nadir in this struggle. However, with a week's worth of reflection on the film, I've found some clarity. The problem with analysis like this isn't so much that it's wrong; this movie is good because of Cage. That is his magic as an actor. The film is still bad overall, however. The writing is half-assed and dumb, much of the acting is terrible and/or phoned-in, and there are a number of straight-up goofs in addition to the boundless plot-holes and head-scratching artistic choices. |
It's alot to process! This film is directed by Werner Herzog, a notable name whose work I am sadly/unfortunately unversed in (he's on my list, as they say). It goes to show how little it takes for things to go completely off the rails. Let me repeat: THIS MOVIE IS BAD. But Cage makes it less so, and then he makes it a little more less so, and he does this over and over again until the movie is, in fact, "good." This is a Good Bad Movie™ and I have already reached the point where I think I can say that Nicolas Cage is incapable of performing in a truly Bad Bad Movie™ (famous last words? only time will tell).
Now, let me be clear. I've already watched some of the worst dreck imaginable. Half of the films I've covered for this thing have scored 4/10 (links here). I don't recommend anyone watching the films above. I can't, in good faith. But the only thing stopping these from being 2's or 1's, if not 0's, has been Nicolas Cage. There is a true talent in this and my appreciation for it is not ironic in the slightest. It's real. What he does with this material, within the constraints of these impossibly stifled, incongruous movies is nothing short of amazing.
These are the very outer limits of the Good Bad Movie™ realm (G.B.M.). It's a space which Cage seemed destined to inhabit, but it's new territory for me. It screwed up my sensibilities and expectations. It made it so I couldn't discern between a legitimately Good (if not great) Bad Movie™ and just some pile of trash elevated by the inclusion of Cage. It took a true example of the latter for me to recognize this other realm for what it was. And for that, I thank Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans, simply: a very Good Bad Movie™ –no disclaimer needed!
(One quick sidebar on Herzog: my recognition of this as a G.B.M. is no knock against him. I have only ever seen his documentaries and his vast and largely praised narrative fiction work has been on my radar for years. I don't know if this is an outlier in the filmography or what? In a way, this makes me all the more fascinated and eager to jump into his body of work. End sidebar.)
Right from the very start, this movie has major issues. For example, what even is its title? It's, for the most part, listed as Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans online, but onscreen, we see...
A minor detail, perhaps. The place of a colon. The inclusion of "The." But it's emblematic of a larger issue: that this film is essentially a series of falsehoods, skewed motivations, and WTF plotting at best, and at worst, a collection of literal mistakes. It often feels like the screenplay (or what became of the screenplay) is nothing more than a collection of whims, each unaware and indifferent of what came before or will happen next.
Then there is its connection to the 1992 Abel Ferrara film starring Harvey Keitel (simply, Bad Lieutenant). I have, sadly, not seen this movie. But, to the best of my knowledge (i.e. a quick trip to Wikipedia), this is something of an unauthorized reboot/remake with numerous plot/character similarities? They share a producer who apparently pushed the Bad Lieutenant moniker onto the project for marketing purposes, and – for what's it's worth – both Herzog and Ferrara were not onboard with this decision for various reasons. Anyway, this paragragh is worth your time:
Abel Ferrara, director of the 1992 film, has been quoted by various media outlets as being very angry about the film. After it was first announced, Ferrara was quoted as saying "As far as remakes go, ... I wish these people die in Hell. I hope they're all in the same streetcar, and it blows up." When asked later for his response to Ferrara's statements, Herzog stated that he does not know who Ferrara is, saying "I've never seen a film by him. I have no idea who he is." At a press conference at the Venice Film Festival after the film's premiere, Herzog said of Ferrara, "I would like to meet the man," and "I have a feeling that if we met and talked -- over a bottle of whisky, I should add -- I think we could straighten everything out." In 2018 at Newcastle International Film Festival Ferrara said that he had eventually met Herzog and made peace with him."Alright, enough foreplay. Let's get into this thing.
Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans is a movie about a cop (Nicolas Cage) who fucks up his back somehow saving a prisoner from water snakes during Hurricane Katrina which leads to a debilitating drug addiction which, in turn, leads to him becoming "Bad." How "Bad" he was before this inciting incident is anybody's guess. But he and Val Kilmer sure don't seem like angels before jumping in the snake-infested underwater prison...
(A quick Val Kilmer sidebar: you kinda assume he's going to be a fairly prominent character from this opening, right? Nope. He's in maybe two scenes total the rest of the way before a final heel turn that is so misplaced and unearned, I... just... we'll get to it. Hold your
We flash forward six months and a hobbled Cage is accepting a promotion (to, you got it, Lieutenant!) right about the same time the family of an immigrant drug lord is murdered "execution style" including several children. Right off the bat we learn the identity of the perpetrators: it's rival drug lord Xzibit (yup, the rapper of MTV's Pimp My Ride fame) and two of his lackeys. For a crime movie, there is very little by way of mystery or intrigue here. The only real drama behind this, the centerpiece conflict, is how they're going to find any evidence to pin it on these guys who everyone knows are guilty as sin. But first, Cage reads a poem written by one of the dead kids...
All my many jokes aside, that's not a bad little sequence and shot. If you stumbled into this movie at any odd interval, you might be convinced you're seeing something legitimately good, which is another reason this film is so confounding and one-of-a-kind.
And then, thirteen minutes in, Cage has the first of what seems like an endless barrage of Cageian freakouts. Am I going to clip out every single one of them for this blog post? I am going to do my damnedest, sir, yes. Here he is giving a pharmacist the business because daddy needs his meds...
Then he has a totally normal fist bump with one of the suspects...
Let's see that one more time...
Nice! Michael Shannon shows up in a bit role (because this movie just didn't have enough crazy actors?) as some police department stooge whom Cage tries to coerce into giving him access to confiscated drugs. Such is the nature of this movie that there isn't one single clip worth pulling of the great Michael Shannon. C'est la vie. Cage's addiction is so out of control at this point, he'll basically do anything to get high, including: holding up a young couple as they leave a night club. Oh and he has sex with the girl right there in the parking lot too! The dialogue is something...
Now, personally, that was the scene for me right there. That's when I knew something was seriously wrong with this movie. There's still over ninety minutes of this to get to 😳
Eva Mendes plays Cage's prostitute girlfriend/drug buddy, and he very casually steals some extra cocaine off one of her johns...
That's a nice scene highlighting Cage's ability to be equally crazy and weird without going full psycho mode imo.
In the midst of these unhinged, drug-fueled episodes, there's still a brutal murder to solve and while he's certainly a "bad" lieutenant 'morally', he's still a lieutenant 'professionally', and this thing needs a plot I suppose. He ends up at a nursing home in search of a witness: the grandson of one of the caretakers working there. Cage and his partner question the two old ladies before the grandson just climbs into the room through the window? Yes. Yes he does...
LoL. Remember those two old ladies. Not done with them by a mile I'm afraid.
Anyway, that witness is the guy, the key piece to this puzzle. Case closed. Nothing left to see here. Haha, oh shit, I wish! We're just getting started! :( With their witness in tow, they put out a call to arrest the suspects and Cage laughs at one of their very normal-sounding nicknames for some reason...
Maybe the script called for that chuckle? Maybe not. But it's the little moments like that which I hold most dear. They arrest the suspects and Cage loves it. He just loves it...
We're introduced to a bookie character played by the great Brad Dourif. Yes, on top of everything else, Cage is also addicted to gambling on sports. This subplot sets up one of the most fascinating plot goofs/errors I've ever stumbled upon in film, but we'll get to that later. For now, Cage simply has to do the bookie a favor: coerce a state trooper to drop some low-level charges against the bookie's kid. Naturally, he finds this cop on the scene of an alligator accident...
That's just a lovely shot! From the animatronic gator to the dolly pan-out, this Werner Herzog guy might know what he's doing? Anyway, the state trooper tells him to take a hike, but he meets another cop at the scene, a lady cop (Fairuza Balk), who happens to be an old acquaintance and they make plans to have sex later, only Cage is too high on drugs to perform when they get to her incredibly weird and gaudy apartment...
But, before that, we get the first of a few "Animal POV" sequences filmed with what appears to be a cheapish digital camera...
Your guess is as good as mine as to what these sequences mean. "Something something animal does not care for the folly of man something something," sounds like Herzog's wheelhouse. It also could be referencing Cage's fractured mental state as the second half of the above clip features an Engelbert Humperdinck song and is bookended by Cage glancing at the creature suspiciously? Who knows! It's all real weird, and I am a sucker for REAL WEIRD, so there ya go. Digital camera reptile POV. Hell yeah.
OK, remember how I was saying that this screenplay/story felt like a series of whims? Well, there is no other greater
This dog, whose name is not important, sets off the plot for the rest of the movie. Cage's dad is also an addict and is seeking treatment for his addiction and needs his son to watch his yellow lab. Eva Mendes (or her doorman) ends up not being able to take care of the dog, so Cage takes off for Biloxi to find her and for some goddam reason he brings the key witness along with him...
While there he has another run-in with one of Mendes's johns (the very familiar Shea Whigham) and this encounter does not go as smoothly...
That encounter has multiple ramifications including *checks notes* now the mafia is pissed at Cage (?). Oh, and, of course, he also loses the key witness in Biloxi. The kid says he has to go to the bathroom and instead he takes a plane to England! Whoopsie! Bye-bye, star witness! Classic teenage quintuple homicide witnesss stuff. Again, all of this – as well as every future plot development in a sense – only occurs because Cage has to drive to Biloxi, Mississippi to find his prostitute girlfriend who was too flaky and fucked up to look after his father's dog.
I rest my case.
But...
Let's go on, shall we?
I wouldn't be able to accurately convey just how exponentially insane the action and the acting gets the rest of the way without showing (a lot of) lengthier clips. There are simply no words. I try to make these recaps as entertaining as possible in their own way, but sometimes, the video just has to do the talking. Like how a pissed off Cage confronts the two old ladies after the grandson witness flies off to England. And how he is shaving with an electric razor behind their door at the nursing home waiting for them ? Ah. Yes...
I felt compelled to clip out that entire sequence featuring Nicolas Cage torturing two old ladies because I had to watch Nicolas Cage torturing two old ladies. It is a work of art. When you think he's done, he hits another level, and when you think that's as far as he'll take it, he puts a gun to the heads of two old ladies and calls them cunts. I just couldn't believe what I was seeing. I still can't. And why he is shaving???
Welp, anyway, the old white lady's son turns out to be a congressman (because of course he is) and – seeing how she wasn't too keen on a cop nearly killing her by removing her O2 nose tubes – she has the congressman pull some strings and Cage is now officially under investigation for being BAD...
At this point, the hits just keep coming for the ole Bad Lieutenant. He is confronted by the bookie at the precinct...
...the mob (Dave, Andy and Jeff) comes a'knocking...
If you don't quite know what's happening in that very bad scene, don't worry about it. Basically, the encounter with Shea Whigham in Biloxi has led to the mob looking for $50,000 (?) and, is it just me, or has Cage's accent/voice changed? This is another reoccurring thing in this series of my Cage filmography series (his accent/voice consistency), and I can't decide if it's real or just happening in my head. It doesn't matter. None of this matters. I can't think of anything that matters less. Internal affairs comes down hard on Cage and he loses his gun...
A man without a gun? Still a man? Who's to say. (And yes, that's Jennifer Coolidge–AKA Stifler's Mom, among many other notable roles–playing Cage's dad's alcoholic girlfriend.) Then we get what I'll just call "The Spoon Monologue." If I ever start taking acting classes and have to do a scene for the class, this is what I'll choose...
There's an alternate universe where that scene is the corniest moment in otherwise fine movie. But in the BLU (Bad Lieutenant Universe) it's almost passes as nice, a moment to catch your breath. Later on, when Eva Mendes is trying to take a nap, Cage will give her a rusty spoon because... metaphors.
Well, with about thirty minutes of movie left in the tank, Cage goes full rogue and actually strikes up a criminal partnership with bad guy Xzibit. He goes full BAD baby! ...
And now we've arrived at my favorite part of the film: the college football gambling/point-shaving goof. First of all, this film takes place "six months after Hurricane Katrina" which would make it February on the calendar, a month when they certainly aren't playing college football. That's forgivable and, honestly, I'm not sure I would've even picked up on it if I hadn't visited the the official Bad Lieutenant goofs page at IMDb. Allow me to make a few edits so you can see how this goes down for yourself...
Look. I'm a gambling man. I like sports a lot and I like betting on sports. Sue me! This error was so egregious, I had to pause the film, rewatch both sequences and then google the goof to see if I was going nuts. I was not. However, confusing this even more is the fact that Cage actually watches some of the game and "Louisiana" (the team he maybe accidentally bet on???) are kicking ass in the first half despite the blackmailed star player sitting out entirely. Check out this awful-looking football broadcast (and the almost-comeback we never get to see)...
So Louisiana was favored by 6. They only won by 3. Cage blackmailed a Louisiana player, but then placed the bet on Louisiana, who lost against the spread. And the bookie still pays him as if he won? The simple answer here is that Cage simply said "Louisiana" when he meant to say "Texas," or maybe these idiots wrote it into the script wrong. I would have to assume it's the latter because they did get everything else right technically, the laughable faux-early-90s-looking football action aside. This is a relatively small blip in the scheme of things, but a big one in my heart, so... thanks for indulging me. There's still so much hilarious badness to get to.
Like this fun scene with Xzibit and the boys...
To the break'a dawn, indeed.
Then get to the crown jewel of the film: a five-minute sequence at Xzibit's mansion where the following happens:
• Xzibit calls his friend a "midget"
• Cage smokes crack
• Cage tells the story about "nigger elk" which... I can't... I just... no. (It's about the football player he tried to blackmail [?] and it's so horribly misplaced, misguided and casually racist; it's a wholly unfunny moment in otherwise glorious bit of unintentional comedy)
• Xzibit throws a glass bottle at his son because he doesn't want to babysit!
• Cage double-crosses Xzibit by getting him to smoke crack out of his "lucky crack pipe"
• The goombah mafia goons show up looking for their money and they all die
• The soundtrack to the goombah slaughter is a comically bad harmonica
• The goombah's "soul" appears and it's a different actor, a break-dancing guy with a mohawk
• They shoot the "soul" guy dead and another iguana appears
This whole thing just needs to be in a museum somewhere. I would be doing you all a great disservice if I didn't just clip out the entire thing, start to finish. So please enjoy...
(Love the finger flinch from one of the dead guys when the iguana walks by at the very end of that.)
And there's really not much more to it. In the most comical way, everything immediately starts to break right for Cage, despite his countless moral failings and incredible fuck-ups. I tried to glean some theme here: the American cop, disgusting and stupid, perpetually failing upwards, etc. But maybe that's just me.
In addition to winning 5K on his bad football bet, Shea Whigham returns to the precinct to tell him he's got no more beef and his daddy's complaint has been lifted. "Oh yeah..."
It's all turning up roses for this Bad Lieutenant!. He successfully plants the lucky crack pipe with Xzibit's DNA on it and not even Val Kilmer can fuck up the rest of this perfect day...
Is the point of this sequence that Val Kilmer – who is HARDLY in this movie at all – is actually an even BADDER cop than Cage? And that cops are just, um, like totally bad? Bad to their core? Or did they just want to give a former A-lister something to do? Like so many other things related to this movie: I DO NOT KNOW.
Flash-forward: One year later. He's knocked up Eva Mendes and that Bad Lieutenant has been promoted to Bad Captain. Or is he... is he good now? Good Captain???
Of course he ain't! That's all a front! He's doing the same shit as before, including harassing young couples outside the club...
But remember how all this started because he did a nice thing? He jumped into the snakey Katrina water to save that prisoner? Remember that? Of course you do. But if you don't, just rewatch the first embedded video in this post, which is like a million miles up on this page ☝. Well, what if I told you that he runs into that prisoner? That said prisoner had turned his life around after being saved from the snakey Katrina water? And what if that guy was now a hotel room service waiter who reconnects with Cage at the end of this movie and they go to an aquarium together? Well...
DO fish have dreams? What IS the true value of expensive underwear?
Some questions...
aren't meant to have no answers...
and Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans is one of those questions.
THE VERDICT: 8 CAGES OUT OF 10 • CLICK HERE for all 𝔗𝔥𝔢 𝔜𝔢𝔞𝔯 𝔬𝔣 ℭ𝔞𝔤𝔢 Chapters + Ongoing Rankings.
CHRONOLOGICALLY
⫷ EPISODE 345 - (YOU ARE HERE) - EPISODE 347 ⫸
⫷ EPISODE 345 - (YOU ARE HERE) - EPISODE 347 ⫸
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