 🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿 | 🎙️ EPISODE 480: 06.02.22 Starting in 2020, I decided to watch & review the entire Nicolas Cage filmography in alphabetical order. This is 𝔗𝔥𝔢 𝔜𝔢𝔞𝔯 𝔬𝔣 ℭ𝔞𝔤𝔢 – Chapter 19. In some ways, this was truly one of the most awful watching experiences I can remember. Every facet of this movie is complete trash and that is apparent from the first second on. However, Cage is operating on a different plane of existence here. Its reminiscent of some of his later 00s work in that he's acting insane *as well as* clearly not giving a shit. So it's not surprising that he actually 'reprised' this role in a movie I've already reviewed: 2017's Arsenal. This is, of course, absolute lunacy. This shouldn't be real. But for Cage completists, the saga of Eddie King is very real, and — perhaps (?) — very important. |
I can't stomach getting too deep into the woods with the plot of this one. Think ultra stupid noir with way too much poorly written voiceover (co-written by the Academy Award Winner for Green Book no less!). This was directed by Nicolas Cage's brother, Christopher Coppola, whom I don't want to overly shit on. Must be hard being a Coppola in the end. But this looks like a bad made-for-TV movie and the acting, despite a load of notable names besides Cage, isn't much better. This starts and ends with our main character Joe, played by career "that guy," Michael Biehn. Bless his heart, but Lordy Lord is he bad here. (NOT THAT HE HAS A LOT TO WORK WITH THIS ENDLESS V.O. ...
...) The main problem with this film is that the audience never really knows whether or not this guy is a crook or a sorta crook or a crook in disguise. He hangs around with nerdowells who taste drugs like this...
But then he's also working with the cops? .... Or is he a cop???.... Either way, this opening scene ends with him shooting his dad (?!)... by accident as part of the sting and/or set-up, and his dad sends him one final message about his twin brother and "cake"...
It's all too stupid for words and here I am trying to put into words. Ultimately, they sort of make it clear that he isn't a cop when Peter Fonda with a kickass ponytail (lol) shows up to give him his cut.
He also gives him his dad's possessions which is only a key to a locker at the bus station. He goes there and finds some info that points him to his dad's bro in L.A. SOOO, because he is convenientally at the bus station, he takes a bus to Los Angeles. And the voiceover just never ends....
This v.o. is trying so hard to be cool noir but it's soooo awful. Anyway, he gets to Los Angeles where he immediately finds Mickey Dolenz from The Monkees selling pretzels only he's not really selling pretzels?...
What? He's trying to find his dad's brother Lou when he runs into Cage as Eddie King...
This nose and wig. It's so insane. This is not a memorable role! Why and how did he reprise this role for that horrible movie?! I don't think we will ever know honestly. Cage takes him to meet Lou and Cage makes this face when he takes his glasses off...
Just a fucking mad man...
Lou the twin brother is the legendary James Coburn who probably should not be judged by this role/performance/movie but honestly he's doing the best he can alongside this nonsense...
Every scene Cage is a lot. It's too much. It's like he's trying to create memes on purpose...
So Cage takes Joe out for a night on the town and continues to act totally normal...
They pick up Cage's girl played by an English actress named Sarah Trigger who is maybe best known for being in Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey and/or having been married to Jon Cryer. Again, I feel bad shitting on anyone else in this film when Cage is running around doing shit like this...
They run a scam at a local bar where they dupe the bartender into thinking the girl is wearing an expensive bracelet (it's not important)...
Something about gum...
Then Sarah Trigger (Diane) gets philosophical. Oh no...
Next, Cage sends Joe into a strip club to collect some money from a dude named Baby for Lou and then — you're not gonna believe this — he acts wacky and fucking nuts...
So Joe snoops around Lou's office and there's more stuff about the "cake" and Joe's mom and I don't fucking know. He gets back to his hotel and Diane is waiting for him inside somehow (don't worry about it). Just think about Academy Award winner Nick Vallelonga writing this dialogue with Nicolas Cage's brother...
They proceed to have a Cinemax style softcore sex scene that lasts like five minutes because of course they do. Later, Joe has a big ham dinner with Lou and his ditzy girlfriend and its the most awkward shit you've ever seen...
They focus on this ridiculous looking birthday cake for way too long, probably to make the audience think that this the "cake" Joe has been looking for? I thought that was just a metaphor and not an actual "cake" but OK sure I'm the dumb-dumb and not this movie...
"Nice little horsies on there!" What the HELL. That cake meant nothing and we never see that character again.
That ham and cake dinner scene cuts hard to an out of control Cage back at the strip joint...
"Hi -fucking- ya!" On some level, you/we have to accept that these moments with Cage are enjoyable. I mean, this movie is beyond garbage, but I am still being entertained. Aren't I?? That guy with the bad fake beard was on the bus to L.A. and he someone who's trying to kill Cage in an alley but Cage flips the script and slams his head in a car door before slitting his throat...
The multiple Sam Peckinpah references? Nope. I got nothing. A bloodied Cage goes to Diane and if you thought he was acting strange before, this next scene is probably the apex of his performance. I've left the whole thing intact for ya...
What makes that meltdown even funnier is the fact that you can see they are shooting this on a soundstage. I don't think Uncle Francis would have left this in...
Cage goes to confront Lou about being squeezed out of the crime business in favor of Joe. Bad idea, Lou...
Then Cage ties up Lou down at the donut shop but Joe shows up and shoves Cage's head into the deep fryer. RIP Eddie King...
And so that's that for Cage. There are still 40 minutes left in this thing and the dude they were setting up as the main antagonist is dead. It's really a nice subversion of the viewers' expectations, don't you think? Either that or a big ole ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ — who can tell.
Part of me just wanted to bolt at this point. I had seen all of Cage. So, from a Cage-ian Anthropological standpoint, did I really have a duty to finish this film? But I soldiered through it and much to my surprise all of the acting and filmmaking improved tenfold! JK. It sucked even harder! ...
Then there's a real artsy-fartsy dream sequence where they focus on a ceiling fan for a little too long probably because Chris Coppola saw an episode of Twin Peaks one time...
Then we finally get the origin of the "cake" and it's just a fucking stupid little ceramic cake?! We learn that Lou was in love with Joe's mom but his dad stole her away. What...
And that's that about the "cake." It's never brought up again. It meant next to nothing. How did Lou's brother even know about it? This is seriously one of the dumbest movies I've ever watched. And, oh yeah, Charlie Sheen is in this for one scene as a pool hustler whom Joe loses to on purpose so he can meet The Claw AKA Dr. Lime. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Joe says "billiards" in A.O.R. and is pointed in the right direction...
He meets Sheen and his associate "Sausage" and Sheen is doing some kind of refined debonair douche character or something; I'm not really sure he knows...
It's all so endlessly stupid. They're playing a pool game called carom that I'm not really familiar with at all and Sheen is just spouting nonsense and speaking extremely slowly...
He loses badly and he owes Sheen a lot of money — 25K! to be exact —which he doesn't have. But he does have a watch that's worth as much? ...
I guess this was a ploy to get into the backroom and meet Dr. Lime/The Claw/the villain character they haphazardly introduce with 20 minutes left in the movie, who is a jewel expert and can check out the diamond watch...
So I guess it was all some long con to scam that Edward Scissorhands motherfucker but trying to piece together what is happening in the plot here is a goddam fool's errand. Uncle Lou is posing as a cowboy now and Mickey Dolentz from The Monkees is back and they have a huge confrontation with the new bad guy over a deal about diamonds...
But the FBI (?) shows up only it's just a scam kinda like the scam that started the movie and these are all bad guys (?) and Lou gets shot and the Claw guy's claw gets shot and everything goes to shit. I repeat: DO NOT TRY TO MAKE SENSE OF THIS:
It turns out his dad was alive this whole time and Joe was being conned by his dad and Diane was in on and it because she looks like Joe's mother and the weird mouth guy and Ponytail Peter Fonda is back to and...
I can't. I just can't. It turns out Lou killed Joe's mom (allegedly) and then they have a showdown on a carousel for no reason...
And THAT'S THE MOVIE. He just shoots the money suitcase and the only revenge he gets on his dad is that his dad has to pick up all the money on a moving carousel?? I'm sorry. My brain is broken. I can't write another word about this.
THE VERDICT: 5 CAGES OUT OF 10 • CLICK HERE for all 𝔗𝔥𝔢 𝔜𝔢𝔞𝔯 𝔬𝔣 ℭ𝔞𝔤𝔢 Chapters + Ongoing Rankings.
CHRONOLOGICALLY
⫷ EPISODE 479 - (YOU ARE HERE) - EPISODE 481A ⫸
⫷ EPISODE 479 - (YOU ARE HERE) - EPISODE 481A ⫸
Deadfall is a 1993 crime drama film directed by Christopher Coppola. Coppola co-wrote the script with Nick Vallelonga. The film stars Michael Biehn, Nicolas Cage, Sarah Trigger, Charlie Sheen, James Coburn, and Peter Fonda. It is also the prime influence on the song "Deadfall" written by the American hardcore punk band Snot. A prequel/sequel, Arsenal, starring Nicolas Cage as his character Eddie King, was released in 2017. It was released on October 8, 1993.
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