The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford

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🎙️ EPISODE 321: 02.15.2021 During the first and only train robbery in this thing, which is about Jesse James the famous train robber or whatever, everybody is wearing masks that are a bit too KKK-ish for my or anybody's tastes, until you realize that these horrible people aren't too far removed from that ilk, but furthermore I was like with all these train robbery masks, what is this Covid-19? Yeah more like Covid-1819! This marks the first time that the GODS OF TRUE RANDOM returned a title that I was definitely familiar with, but had never seen. This is a murderer's row of talented actors with down-bill talent such as Sam Rockwell, Jeremy Renner, the guy from the early seasons of Parks and Rec, Carmela Soprano's dad, the guy who turns Justin Long into a walrus in Kevin Smith's Tusk and so on.

Anyway this movie sucks ass and is pretty boring. I watched it at super speed because I knew from the very first line of the third person god narrator that this was gonna be a chore for yours truly. I turned its 2.5-hour runtime into a roughly 90-minute affair which is cool and smart of me, though I still feel bad about it. Aside from the aforementioned AC-TORS (including Brad Pitt and Casey Afleck in the titular roles), there are more talented people involved with this thing then you can shake a stick at. The legends Nick Cave and Warren Ellis did the score (with the former cameoing as a saloon troubadour, naturally) and the great Roger Deakins is responsible for the cinematography.

So that leaves writer-director Andrew Dominik, who adapted this from a historical novel, to shoulder much of the blame. Perhaps not shockingly, Dominik doesn't have a long resume of feature films with just 2000's small Eric Bana crime vehicle Chopper (I've never heard of this one, though according to Wikipedia it has a 'cult following') and a neo-noir starring Brad Pitt and another red hot ensemble cast, Killing Them Softly (2012). Despite not liking this one much at all, both of them kinda still appeal to me!

Which, I mean, I guess, sure... I went into this with a pretty bad attitude. I was not in the mood for a 2.5-hour epic revisionist Western film on this fair Thursday. Sue me. Admittedly, I'm not sure when I've ever been or will be in the mood for a 2.5-hour epic revisionist Western film, and so all parties would be better off if I'd just recused myself from the (A) the experience, and (B) writing a critique and recording a podcast about the experience. But that's not what happened, and not where we are, but where we are is at the end of this review. This review is over. Go in peace.

CHRONOLOGICALLY
⫷ EPISODE 320 - (YOU ARE HERE) - EPISODE 322 ⫸

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